This morning I was reading Sarah Mae's series Marriage Is Hard. I have been feeling really convicted lately about how I treat my husband and this was just what I needed to urge me back on track.
I'm not going to go into details or anything but our first few years have been difficult - things have happened that have decimated my trust in him and unfortunately my respect for him as well. I often get angry when I read articles about how a Godly wife shows respect for her husband even if he doesn't deserve it. That's all fine and dandy but I feel like I'm so far past that. I tried. I swear I did. But it seemed like every time I chose to believe his best intentions and trust him - I got stabbed in the back. So I gave up. I closed my heart. I built a strong brick wall around my heart. I don't believe in divorce so he will have to just live with a robot for the rest of his life because that's all the emotion he would get out of me.
I'm not healed. We've seen a counsellor...or three. And things are different now - supposedly. I wish I could tell you that I believed him but the only thing that I can trust is that time will tell.
In part 3 of Sarah Mae's Marriage is Hard series, she shared an excerpt from Living Ephesians 5: Wives, Respect your Husband (written by Nancy Anderson) and it really struck home with me. I encourage everyone to grab some tea and read the whole article.
The part that really got me was the paragraph on respecting my husband in intellect. My husband is by no means a dunce...do not get me wrong...we just have had different life experiences. Anyway, last week after a small arguement over money, he admitted that he often feels like I know everything and he knows nothing. Yikes. And that even if he knows I'm right, he feels like he needs to assert himself. You can imagine how that has been going for us.
Nancy suggests that instead of telling him that he's wrong, or throwing a fit, I should cater to his ability to fix things and solve problems. If he wants to buy something that is not within our budget, instead of nagging and telling him he's making a horrible decision, I should bring him our budget and ask him to help me change things so we can afford it. That way, if we really can't, he will see it for himself.
When we're arguing about something that we can't agree on, instead of me pushing my opinion over and over until he caves, I am going to try Nancy's advice by asking him, "Is that your final decision or can I try and convince you?" And then, if he says no, then I am going to leave it alone and trust his judgement.
It's hard to let things go, especially when I know I'm right - but I have a feeling that this will change our marriage.
I challenge you ladies to read Sarah Mae's series Marriage is Hard and the article Living Ephesians 5: Wives, Respect your Husbands. Spend some time in quiet and let me know what God is speaking into your heart!